Psychiatrist appointment

So I went to see my psychiatrist today. He had told me when I went to see him last week to try to be depressed or at least irritable the next time I went to see him (which I don't know how I was supposed to do that, it's not like I decide when I'm depressed or manic) because I was very manic when I went to see him last time. I was talking fast, very animated and in an excellent mood the first time I saw him. But today was an extremely good day. So when I went to see him I had to explain that the past two weeks had been horrible, but that today was abnormally good. He listened intently and then told me to continue to take the Lamictal and he also gave me 2mg of Abilify to take also. So I'm still on 25mg of Lamictal until Sunday and now 1mg (half a pill) of Abilify in the morning and 1mg at night. I think I forgot to mention in the about me post that I had been put back on Zoloft (150mg) and was on 2mg of Ativan (not a good idea for a drug addict) by my family practitioner before I went to see him. I had thought that I was still just depressed and so I went to my family doctor to help me out and he originally put me on Paxil, which just made me crazier, and then on Zoloft because it had "worked" before. Anyway so he weaned me off the Zoloft and I didn't begin taking the Lamictal until that Sunday. So anyway the day that had begun so wonderfully ended in disaster. I yelled and screamed and cryed at my boyfriend (sorry mistankenly put my mother but it was actually my boyfriend, we had been back together, briefly) and basically had another episode. So I came home in a horrible mood and now everyone's wandering my house in a state of shock and I'm better but not good yet.

Blah two weeks

The past two weeks have just been horrible. I have been irritable every single day. Everything anyone does just irritates the heck out of me, especially my loving boyfriend. I know he's just trying to help, but man, everything he does just drives me crazy. And the thing that really sucks is that I know it's me; I know that he's not doing anything differently, well besides taking a break, but more about that in a minute. It's just that everything he always does just happens to be bothering me right now. When I went to see the doctor, he put me on the Lamictal starter pack. I'm supposed to take 25mg for the first two weeks, then 50mg for the next two weeks and on and on until I get to the dosage I'm supposed to be on. You have to do this because apparently if you take the medicine too fast you can develop a fatal rash. But it sucks because I'm not seeing any results so far. And now my boyfriend has decided that I'm too crazy and that he can't stand to be around me like this anymore and that he's been patient enough but that now he's going to wait until my medicine kicks in to get back with me. This, of course, just made me absolutely livid and so I"m crying and screaming and having an episode all over again. This is NOT helping. And this just makes me want to be normal more than ever, to just be able to control my behavior, to stop acting like a spoiled child. But no matter what I do or how hard I try or what resolutions I make, I just can't do it. I don't want to be bipolar, I don't want to have to take a break from my boyfriend because I'm so freaking crazy. This sucks. Thank God I'm going to see the doctor on Thursday.